


Daddy's Issues

by TheOneAndOnly1993



Series: Love in Kamihama [10]
Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: Daddy Issues, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Hiding, Riko proves why she's best baby, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27281227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneAndOnly1993/pseuds/TheOneAndOnly1993
Summary: Ashley's been wearing a smile ever since her father passed away, hiding the true depths of her grief from those who just want to help her through it. Her friends have noticed, but only Riko is bold enough to confront Ashley about it.
Series: Love in Kamihama [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740484
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Daddy's Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Commissioned by leafbladie

The smile of the Pendulum Witch bobbed to and fro, maybe in mockery, or perhaps trying to draw attention away from its base of cables skewering the Labyrinth. Ashley pretended she fell for it as the ground vibrated half a heartbeat later, rumbled, then roared tremulously. She gave Kumanosuke a squeeze, and she remained unflinching. 

To think she once thought these Witches to be these kooky, interesting critters—despite the fact that they killed people. “Beautifully horrific” was a better fit now, considering they were a magical girl’s “truth.” 

Horrific things all the same, monsters Ashley had sold her soul to battle until she died. 

Like Daddy. 

Daddy, who’d died. 

And didn’t tell her. 

Because she sold her soul to ensure that he wouldn’t. 

The Labyrinth cracked open, a maw filled with rows of wriggling, rubbery teeth ensnaring Ashley before she could begin to feel gravity billow her skirt upwards.  _ ‘Nothing else matters,’  _ whispered a chipper voice backed by a second, more demonic falsetto.  _ ‘Nothing and no one outside of your own little world matters.’  _ The towering Witch was at “eye-level” from a mile away, seemingly the owner of this voice, but Ashley knew better. 

Cables snaked around, up to her shoulders. Kumanosuke squished into her—a blessed comfort in more ways than one. 

_ ‘You know this to be true. You were never as emotionally invested in Daddy as you were in countless anime and manga.’  _

The Witch’s embrace was gentle compared to this, this crushing feeling in Ashley’s breast. But then, the squeeze tightened—and in a short, sharp second Ashley’s body gave in to the Witch’s stranglehold. It crushed her. And spikes, burning hot scorching piercing pins and needles skewering Ashleys arms, legs,  _ her ribs and  _ **_her pelvis_ ** —from Ashley’s soul a scream tore out. 

“Ashley!” 

_ “DON’T, Riko!”  _ Emiri’s voice cracked like a whip. “She  _ needs  _ this, let her  _ do  _ this!”

_ ‘You don’t care about  _ any  _ of your friends back home as much as you do those four fetishes back there.’  _

It was a privilege, a privilege, Ashley told herself, screaming in her head louder than that which raced throughout her nerves, fraying them. This pain, these friends, this voice and its scolding—it was all a privilege. 

_ ‘You know Daddy was right, even if he never said it outright.’  _

Ashley couldn’t breathe, her only sound a muted gag. She couldn’t react, nor deny the sentiment—only hear the voice in the back of her head, and acknowledge its relation to the ache inside. 

She was thankful she couldn’t breathe, to reflexively deny the “truth” that was buried deep within, ready to burst out in horror. 

_ ‘Daddy was right...’ _

She was thankful, as well, for the “beautifully horrific privilege” named the Doppel System.

_ ‘...your identity amounts to little more than an obsession...’  _

And so, Ashley was glad. 

_ ‘...and that you thrive off others accepting and joining you in mutual agreement that, yes, this is a valid thing to have.’  _

She was glad she couldn’t breathe to object.

_ ‘Valid enough to be considered normal.’  _

She was glad to have sold her soul; to have lost Daddy; to have learned the truth about Witches.

_ ‘A valid thing normal enough to be called anything. But. An. Obsession.’  _

Because here in Kamihama, magical girls were the lucky few to have to stare their ugliness straight in the eye. 

Or in Ashley’s case, seven. 

Seven gurokawa eyes blinking unevenly, shaped unevenly, emoting unevenly—fitted at the heart of a cycle built from nothing more than a passion Daddy feared her future for. 

A passion Daddy died alone for. 

This ugly truth floating before her was the closest Ashley would ever get to making up for it. 

_ “I’m sorry, Daddy.”  _

And Ashley’s Doppel rounded on the Witch in answer, eyes crackling. A spectrum of lightning flashed forth, and instantly the Witch was naught but inky smoke, as was the half-grown fetus of Ashley’s despair. 

Ashley hit the floor, the Labyrinth dissipating as three pairs of feet tramped towards her. The telltale chimes of their magical girl outfits flashing away filled the heavy air and Ashley’s thoughts.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured to the grass of Kamihama Park as it faded into view. “I’m sorry, Daddy...” 

And yet it was that very pain that propelled Ashley to her feet, a single thought joining her friends in exchanging her battle uniform for a black knee-length dress. Sniffling, she forced a smile that did nothing to appease their worry as they slowed their approach.

“Let’s not keep Shizuku waiting!” Ashley’s stranglehold on her soul gem resonated within, clenching her very being. 

That’s not how those things worked, however; the pain came from elsewhere.

________________________________

**_Daddy’s Issues_ **

_ TheOneAndOnly1993 _

_ ________________________________ _

Something’s wrong with Ashley - that was Riko’s unshakable fear. 

Because  _ seriously! _

First, she’d turned down Emi’s grief seed before the fight. Now, okay, maybe she was like Rika and could only vent through vicious combat, or like Karin in that she had to prove to herself capable of standing on her own two feet. Understandable! And when Ashley cited their specific characters like that, so suddenly and with painful accuracy, no one could see declining the offer as unhealthy.

But now, Riko didn’t know what to think after watching Ashley slip her victory prize into a makeup bag of three or four seeds. Like, she was an up-and-coming chef, not some expert emotions-scientist—err, “psychologist,” rather—but Riko knew that a girl letting herself become a Witch was, at the very least, not healthy for the soul. It couldn’t be, no matter how many variations of “I’m okay,” Ashley rattled off on their way to Mitama’s. 

She wasn't fine, and she wasn't okay - she couldn't be; her doppel had just come out, and that was the exact opposite of being okay. Even if it was just the result of using too much magic, it still wasn't to make a habit of. Riko’s fingertip throbbed as she remembered her own experience, ached on a level beyond the way her nails bit into her palm. 

And Ashley had thought she was fooling Riko with an  _ “I’m fine!”  _ to Emi’s  _ “Are ya injured?”  _

_ “Totally a hundred percent fine, body and soul!”  _ she’d said with a peace sign after Rika asked,  _ “How’re you feeling?”  _

Riko had nearly uttered,  _ “She meant about your dad.”  _ She  _ would  _ have, but the idea of being completely wrong crushed her courage. Or arrogance, rather--- _ selfish, childish cowardice crushes you _ , whispered in her brain by a fly spun of yarn; she was scared to overstep herself and risk annoying Ashley out of her life. 

That wasn’t true. Riko loved Ashley. 

But it might be true anyway: she loved Ashley so much she didn’t want to lose her. 

No, Ashley mattered more right now, so much that Riko shook the murmurings away. 

But still, even  _ if _ Ashley was as fine as cowardice made Riko want to believe, there was some serious  _ off-ness _ about her grieving process. At least, in terms of being simple heartbreak, it felt off—there had to be “more” to it. Riko was certain Americans didn’t make a habit out of hurting themselves when they were sad. Once they got to Mitama’s, she was ready to confront Ashley about it, in front of her friends so she wouldn’t feel driven to hide behind a smile again. But first Ashley bounded towards the waiting Shizuku. Upon changing into her corset and shorts, she was treated to a blush-inducing hug from Ashley, on top of appraisal for her cute outfit.

It was a familiar enough segue into normalcy that Riko—for just a moment—started to believe that, perhaps, she really was just fine. Perhaps she really did need to vent. After all, Mama and Papa were always on about Riko trying too hard to grow up, that she was still a little kid prone to little kid-mistakes. 

That must be the case here and now. Riko was hurting because her friend was hurting. She’d sought the quickest route to healing both, even if it meant imagining a problem to save Ashley from. Using her father’s funeral for the sake of confirmation probably wasn’t the best idea. 

Riko felt hot all over, for the first time ever thankful that she was just a selfish child, too afraid to speak up. 

_ “Be there for her,”  _ that’s what Mama had told her this morning.  _ “S’all a friend can do in this kinda situation—offer a shoulder. Moreover, it’s all Ashley-chan can ask for, so don’t think you need to be the hero… But I know you will, Riko-chan—!”  _

_ You were right, Mama. As usual…  _ Riko swallowed her selfishness down to where it belonged.  _ I shouldn’t press the issue,  _ she thought as Ashley dragged the flustered Shizuku over.  _ Yeah, this isn’t about me! I’ll do my best to help a friend in need, ‘cause that’s what Ashley needs most right now! _

“Hey, hey! Shizuku-chan!” Riko blinked and found herself back in the present, the aforementioned girl aiming her glazed expression at Rika. “So, the gals think I’m fine, but I want an outsider’s opinion on my dress.” Rika did a twirl, layered skirts twisting around her calves. “Should I’ve worn something a little more subdued? I’m kinda getting cold feet now! Like maybe I shoulda gone shopping with the others—” 

“I’m telling you, girl, it’s fine!” said Ashley. Rika was already taking off a day that could’ve been spent with her girlfriend; she deserved to have some modicum of fun going into it, considering the circumstances. That was all Ashley’s reasoning, anyway. It somehow convinced the biggest galko of the group to go all-out and save her money, rather than join them in the unfashionable process of browsing for American funeral attire. “You look great, too.” 

“Ya think?” Rika wore something Victorian-styled from her closet—big and soft from the waist down, fitted around her slim torso with puffy sleeves nearly joining a pair of bicep-hugging gloves. All black, of course, like the cap upon her head. “How about you, Shizu-chan—?” 

“I don’t know much about fashion, sorry.” Wow. Cold. But… the way she held onto her elbow; clearly, Shizuku meant the apology. 

“That’s okay!” Rika pumped her fists. “Just gimme your gut impression, like how everyone’s gonna feel when they see me.” 

“Sad for Taylor-san’s father, if anything.” And then Shizuku swallowed, crossing her arms as she looked to the floor, then to Ashley, and then back to a deflated Rika. “I made it awkward anyway,” she sighed. “If you want my honest opinion, they’ll probably think that you’re a chuuni.” 

“That’s what I was afraid of!” 

“But they’ll never see you again, so who cares?” 

“Yeah!” Karin bounded forth. “Besides, Ashley told me that chuunis don’t exist in the United States, so I—er,  _ we’re _ in the clear, you and me, Rika-san!” 

Ashley gave a weak laugh. “You’ll still be seen as eccentric, though, don’t forget.” 

“But now I’ll be worse than Karin,” Rika cried. “I wanted to stand out, but not in a  _ bad  _ way! Oh, I’m sorry in advance, Ash!” 

“I-it’s—you’re fine, Rika, really.” 

“I dunno what you’re worried about, anyway; like that’s the steel-tipped point, Rikki.” Rika was clasped on the shoulder, crowned in bracelets leading up to Emiri Kisaki, whose simple black gown matched the rest. “Fashion is meant to stand out and be, like, a branding on everybody’s brainspace!” 

“Y-yeah! For sure!” Rika clenched her fists, ready for battle, then used her finger to write a kanji in her palm. “‘Kay, my courage s’back. And I’mma swallow my fears to make sure they stay down!” 

She munched down as Shizuku turned to Ashley. “I keep forgetting the time difference, so let’s just say six hours from now at the same location… Taylor-san?” 

Ashley snapped to attention. “H’what?!” 

Shizuku’s frown deepened, her expression intentional for once. “Six hours. Same coordinates. As we discussed, still, correct?” 

“Uh, y-yeah! No ish!” 

Shizuku nodded. “I’ve no intention of leaving you all stranded. So don’t worry about a time limit, I’ll maintain the wormhole for an hour before coming through myself.” 

Emotion flashed across Ashley’s face… Only for her to react the way she was known for. “Kay-kay! Just don’t start hucking chakrams at the guests, and we’ll be golden,” Ashley laughed, hard, thumping Shizuku on the back. Her amusement died in the crushing weight of silence. “C’mon, guys! I’m tryna lighten up the mood before it’s gotta get all heavy.” 

“I hear ya, Ash, it’s just…” Emi glanced to the ceiling, snapping. “That joke totes tasted like a water and white bread smoothie.” 

“Yeah, kinda tasteless,” Rika clarified with knitted brows. 

“I was thinking ‘gross,’ actually, but that works, too.” Emi stepped up, a hand coming to rest on Ashley’s shoulder, almost motherly in aura with the way her twintails were joined as one. “I seriously hate running gags, but are ya sure you don’t wanna take five and just… eye-dee-kay, talk, or something?” 

“Like what the heck was all that about back there?!” Karin erupted. “Your bones went all snap, crackle, and pop! And then some mega-otaku-wheel came and torched the place up!” 

Ashley tried her toothy grin. “Wh-what’re you tryna imply here—?” 

“That Doppels suck, Ash,” uttered Rika in the low, compassionate voice she seemingly kept reserved for Miss Ren. “They hurt. A lot. Both getting to the point of release, and the expo- _ nentially  _ worse experience of being in our Witch’s mindset.” 

“I…” Ashley staggered a step away. 

And Rika stole it back, Emi and Karin flanking Ashley in a half-circle. “I’m sorry, but we’re not leaving until we talk about this,” she said. “Cuz take it from me, girlfriend: I can see where this’s going, and you do  _ not  _ wanna look back at your father’s funeral with regret for having made a scene.” 

No words came from Ashley’s parted, wobbling lips. 

This was happening. 

Riko couldn’t believe that she was right, that everyone noticed and thought what she had.  _ And if they hadn’t done this now, then Ashley… because of me, I wouldn’t have— _

“Shizu-chan?” Ashley’s voice croaked against the silence.

“I understand.” Shizuku didn’t need to uncross her arms as, with a nod, a swirl of lavender light opened under Ashley, gobbling her up with little more than a peep. 

“What the—?!” Karin cried, as did Riko’s heart:  _ Ashley was planning this?! _

Twin pings of magic drew them to the stoic magical girl, hands resting against a hip and shoulder, each filled with a deadly-sharp chakram. “Don’t be so arrogant as to assume she needs you. You were the ones who insisted accompaniment, not her.”

Riko was too startled by her thinly-veiled aggression to say what Emi (basically) did: “B-but we bought these dresses together!” 

“Perhaps your closeness goes no deeper than that.” 

“But this isn’t fair!” Karin threw her fists at her sides. “We just care about Ash, is all! And if she wanted to do this alone, we woulda understood, she knows that!” 

“Grief makes people selfish,” Shizuku intoned, dropping the other chakram to her hip. “Step outside your own head for a minute. Perhaps then you’ll realize the distance isn’t anything personal, but quite the opposite.” 

“That’s all the more reason for us to help her—!” Karin gasped as a hand laid on each shoulder, that of Emi and Rika. 

“Maybe… Ash needs to work this out on her own,” mumbled Emi, gazing somewhere far away past Karin’s head. Then she smiled, or wore one rather. “We did just kinda invite ourselves in on this without so much as a ‘pardon the intrusion,’ y’know?” 

Rika drew Karin’s attention with a squeeze—a clench, really. “It’ll be okay,” she assured the swirling hole in the floor. “Ash’s got a ton of grief seeds, didn’t you see?” 

Even Rika had noticed, and she’d gathered the courage to jump Ashley for her sake, regardless of that of their friendship. Unlike Riko, who noticed and said nothing to a warning so worrying. 

“Shizuku-san?” With such a tiny voice, it was a cold comfort to think that Karin had lost her usual courage. “With everything you just said, did… Ashley—she told you all that? And this cowardly plan?” 

Her shake of the head wasn’t at all shocking. “I knew as much as you did, outside of the promise that I follow her lead, no questions asked.” 

Riko couldn’t help but admire this girl all of a sudden, for the simple fact that she clearly had a lot going on and yet hid it so well. 

“There’s a minor consolation.” Shizuku’s chakrams burst into light, briefly interrupting the portal’s glow bathing her as she pulled a card from her pocket. “Here,” she said, handing it to Emiri for no possible reason other than her appearing to be the oldest, “Taylor-san slipped this into my pocket during her fangirling.”

So leaving definitely wasn’t spurred by sudden panic. 

“I’m assuming one of you knows her PIN—” 

They all did, Ash had just announced it outside as her birth year, because she was planning this.

“—and that she trusts you to draw out enough to only reimburse the dresses—” 

_ “NO!”  _

Everyone’s gaze snapped towards Riko, startled, even though Ashley was the one hurting. Even Shizuku staggered in her motions, Ashley’s debit card clattering to the floor from between her and Emi’s fingertips. A traitorous hand reached for Riko, as if to pat her on the head like Mama and Papa did whenever they didn’t take her seriously. 

“Hey, Riko-chan—” Emi started, only to be slapped away. 

“How could any of you be okay with this?!” Riko shook… then wrangled the front of her dress, needing to hit something. “Ashley’s hurting over  _ way more _ than her dead daddy, and—! And-and you’re just—!  _ Letting her be in pain!  _ You’re all horrible!  _ Horrible  _ people! Absolutely _ terrible! _ ” 

Only a small, smothered part of Riko recoiled in horror; that same part which registered herself the cause behind the pain twisting Rika’s face. “I’m no better,” that part of her panted aloud. “But all I’ve done is sit back and be selfish, too! And I’ve decided— _ no,  _ I’m choosing that I’m not gonna be! Not ever again! Even if it means Ashley’ll hate me forever, or carpet bomb me with Kumanosuke, I don’t care! Because Ashley’s too amazing of a person to be so sad!” And then Riko was diving for the portal. “I don’t care! I don’t care if she ends up hating me,  _ I don’t care!”  _

_____________________________________

“Riko—!” Karin’s cry was cut off by the short, sharp  _ womp  _ of the wormhole shrinking into nothing. “Wait for me…” Karin was seriously about to do the same thing once Shizuku handed that card, too. 

Not that the sentiment mattered for much at this point—she learned long ago that good intentions didn’t always translate into reality. 

“Why’d you stop us, but not her?” Emiri asked, jamming a finger at Shizuku’s calm countenance. 

“Because.” She flashed into her school uniform. “Her words reminded me of my own father, and a boy I’d loved.” Shizuku’s eyes fell on the space where Riko once stood. “Besides, she’s just a kid.” 

“Hey, now, don’t insult Riko-chan!” Rika put her fists to her hips. “She may act like a kid, but she’s also  _ way  _ more mature than any of us!” 

“I meant that as a compliment.” The smallest of smiles adorned Shizuku’s lips. “Riko-san seems to have her way of cutting to the heart of things. I believe she’s all Taylor-san needs.” 

_______________________________________

It was sorta like Mitama’s shop, the woodland Riko was quite literally dropped into—close enough not to be a mega shock, at least. Not in the way of cool blues or an air of mystery, but in their darkness, the silence wrapped around her, how sweetly it smelled compared to the concrete jungle of Kamihama just outside. 

But then the portal  _ whomped  _ shut overhead, leaving Riko on the other side of the world with just Ashley, who was nowhere for miles probably. She breathed deep, exhaled, gasped once more—for Kamihama and Mom and Dad and Mameji were a kajillion miles away with zero idea of Riko’s whereabouts. 

_ No!  _ Riko threw her fists down.  _ Ashley!  _

_ Ashley... _

_ This is about her, not you.  _

_ Not you.  _

_ You knew this funeral was coming, Riko, and you’ll be back home in bed before long. Your life’ll be normal in no time, but Ashley’s never will be again.  _

_ Because she lost her Daddy.  _

_ So this isn’t about you, Riko. You didn’t jump through that portal for yourself.  _

_ This is for Ashley. My shoulder’s here for Ashley, just like Mama said.  _

Suddenly, it didn’t matter where Riko was, they could be in Antarctica and it wouldn’t make a difference. Riko’s self-pity mattered even less. Opening her eyes, she found herself not quite lighter, but clearer—as clear as the sunlight-skewered woodland smelling as sweet as Kamihama Central Park after a shower. 

Riko was lucky. 

She was lucky to have met Ashley. 

She was lucky to have met someone who treated her like an equal, who cared enough about her to send Riko flying through a portal to return the favor. But Ashley wasn’t so lucky. A part of her was hurting so badly that she thought she couldn’t share it with friends. 

_ But where do I—?  _ Riko’s scanning froze on her right, on a lavender-colored sore thumb peeking through the treeline’s slivers.  _ The funeral home from the brochure!  _ Riko’s feet flew over tree roots and dead leaves, skirts bunched around her knees, strangled as leaves and twigs slapped and scratched her face until, suddenly, Riko could breathe again. 

Crisp, damp air flowed throughout her chest again as she breathed deep. 

Several dozen well-dressed persons mingled before the cute little funeral home, rows of white chairs set beside the gathering waiting to be filled. A buffet table was passed by and pecked at by a loner, and a couple of couples. Riko’s heart twisted. It was a beautiful service despite the circumstances—and would Ashley prefer something more Japanese-styled for herself? How did the cultures’ memorials compare? Questions for a different day, Riko drilled to herself, a happier… day… 

She was right there. 

Closer to Riko than the funeral home, just a few inches to the right. 

But it was Ashley’s unmistakably highlighted locks facing her. And the taller woman with a soft face and dusty-blonde hair had to be her mom, if for no other reason than the fact that Ashley was speaking to her at all. 

Riko re-hiked her skirts and beelined for the family. Ashley had run away; she hurt herself, then lied about it to everyone’s faces and probably to her mom right now, who was merely worried. She was just worried about her daughter! Once Riko was close enough to hear English mutterings, she was certain that her guess was just as deadly-accurate as it had been on the way to the Coordinator’s. 

“Ashley!” Riko cried as she slid to a stop. Ashley whirled on her, wide-eyed, mouth staggering open like the woman behind her. She was definitely a relative at the very least, the resemblance was uncanny. “Ashley…” Nothing more came. She’d abandoned everyone in Kamihama. How could they just pick up from where they left off after that? 

“Ash, sweetie,” the woman began, gazing from the treeline behind Riko back to her daughter, before voicing a concern in English. 

“M-Momma…” Ashley’s gaze fell upon the grass, hands wringing her skirts as tensely as her flying words. Somewhere she’d uttered Riko’s name between hesitations. 

A lying, cowardly stranger ashamed of herself—this had to be some other guest, not Ashley Taylor. 

“Lies!” Riko snapped. Ashley’s words froze in a flash, two pairs of eyes bearing down on Riko, nearly forced her gaze to where Ashley’s had fallen prior. But this was for Ashley, and that was enough to lend heroic strength. 

Just not the English to channel it. Riko licked her lips, wracking her memory for the few words she knew. “Um, Ashley… is lies, Momma Taylor-san! Ashley lies… at... fr-iends? F-friends! Ashley lies at friends! At Riko—” 

“Riko-chan—” Ashley reached forth. 

Worried.

Definitely not about how Riko felt, considering she didn’t in the safety of friends. 

Which means another lie was coming.  _ “Urusai, baka-Ashley!”  _ Riko tore away, turning back on the older woman. “Ashley lies at friends! Ashley hurts and lies at friends and Ashley’s hurts! And—!” Ashley spat some curse in English, then turned on her heel. “And—!” Her back had turned against Riko, growing smaller and further away. “And- _ and—! _ ” And a sob burst through her feeble efforts. “Gomen…” Riko must have sounded incomprehensible. And stupid. “Ashley-chan…” Babyish, too. “Gomen-nasai…” Embarrassing least of all—

A weight warmed the top of her head. A wrist up above led to someone whose smile alone dragged Riko’s heart deeper into the pits of Heck, once her lack of pink highlights registered. 

“T-Taylor-san—” 

“You are a good friend to Ashley, Riko-chan,” she said, not only with a kind smile but fluently in Japanese. “I apologize for any trouble she might have caused you. Are your other friends back at the hotel?” 

That’s right. How could Riko forget? Ashley fell in love with kawaii stuff because of her mother’s work. 

“Riko-chan? Oh, dear, my Japanese is a little rusty.”

“Y—n-no! No.” Riko balled up her fists. “Ashley… was ashamed to tell you, I think, Taylor-san. But she suddenly didn’t want us to come. I refused to let her repay me for my plane ticket though, so here I am.”

Mrs. Taylor exhaled as she bent her knees, lowering just before her dress met with the dewy lawn. “That daughter of mine.” She opened her eyes, leveled with Riko’s. “I’m sure she’s struggled opening up, even to a caring friend like you, hm?” 

The word “friend” somehow struck Riko deep, so swiftly she could only nod. And then add, “She never told her Daddy about why she loved Japanese culture, and I don’t know why, Taylor-san. If she wanted so badly for him to understand, wouldn’t it’ve been easier just to explain that to him?” 

Mrs. Taylor laughed to herself, a sad sound more than anything. “If only it were that easy. You inspired her to make that vlog for her father, didn’t you?” Riko could only blush; she didn’t know how, but she seemed to have caused trouble for this family by doing that. “That was a bigger surprise than Matt deciding to let her study in Japan, if I’m being honest… Riko-chan?” Still the kind smile. It was so much like Mom’s that Riko wished she could talk to her right now, so badly that she couldn’t bear Mrs. Taylor’s for more than a second. “You’ve done a wonderful job chasing Ashley this far, halfway across the world. But may I trouble you with further pursuit, if only for a few more feet?” 

Riko was looking her in the eye without even thinking. “It’s why I’m here.” 

————————————————-

She found Ashley beyond the crest of the hill, beyond a waist-high stone wall separating grass and sand. 

Ashley was curled up on the rocks, looking out into the gray sea above and below the horizon. Riko climbed unto the rocks, still mad. Furious, even—Ashley was being a butt. Her Daddy had passed away, and she thought that gave permission to act like a butt to everyone, most importantly herself. 

First order of business was to grab her attention in a hug, big and tight enough for Riko to touch fingertips. Ashley tightened that which she had around her knees, pale and sticky with red. She’d tripped in her escape, the clumsy thing. 

_ Clumsy _ . 

Really, Riko was in no place to reprimand Ashley about anything. Any attempt to excuse herself felt downright sinful; a direct conflict with her need to be treated like a grownup, as well as a slap in the face of Ashley being the only person ever to respect it. 

Riko, truly, was in no place to look down on Ashley. Even if she was being a giant butt. She took a deep breath, an apology on the tip of her tongue the moment Ashley did the same. 

And Ashley muttered, quicker on the draw, “I’m so sorry, Riko.” Everything—apology and anger both—ground to a halt. Still the waves crashed before them, spitting up salty seaspray. “I’m… so sorry for everything,” Ashley muttered into her knees. 

Riko went to hug, but found herself still latched around her biceps, and opted to nuzzle Ashley’s stiff shoulder and watch the waves instead. “Let it out.” The pitiful best she could come up with, even though she wasn’t a mom, and Ashley wasn’t crying. “Please, Ashley, don’t be afraid. You know you can talk to me about anything, even if…”  _ I might be shooting myself in the foot with this, but…  _ “Even if I can’t understand. I can listen. And that’s gotta be better than nothing, Ashley!”  _ ‘But is it more than nothing? _ ’ was the nagging thought, gnawing a hole through Riko’s chest. 

Gnawing. The sea hissed and spat all the while, but Riko did not waver. She wouldn’t. 

“I’m… afraid to talk, Riko.” 

“Why?” She felt Ashley stiffen in her arms. “No, really, why? You know I won’t judge you. You know I  _ couldn’t  _ judge you, that I don’t got the right. And… and if you think your feelings are burdensome, like I thought mine were...” 

“I know,” Ashley whispered. 

Riko smiled. “I thought you’d treat me like some little kid, the way everyone else does when I try telling them how I felt about my parents, and how they treat me the same exact way. It’s like… no one gets it. But  _ you  _ did, Ash.” Swallowing her emotion, Riko concluded, “And not only did you get it, you made me feel like a grownup. Just by listening, and talking back instead of talking down.”

“So…” Riko had to shut her eyes; it was the seaspray which stung, had to be. “So, please, Ash…  _ please,  _ don’t start talking down to me now. At least, let me help you, too, however I can! And if that’s too much to ask, then… then just talk out loud. Or something. Pretend I’m not here. I dunno. I won’t breathe a word of this to anybody, ever, because you’re my best friend and I’d be so, so sad if I lost—-!” 

Ashley burst free from her hug to return with the fiercest, most strangling hug Riko had ever been a part of. And she murmured in her ear, “I dunno if my Daddy thought I was embarrassing. I’ll never know if he thought my obsession was a waste of time. I… I’ll never be able to ask him… if…” Somehow, Ashley squeezed tighter. Riko replied with doubled strength; something, anything to announce that she was listening, and loved Ashley, and wasn’t judging her like she so stupidly thought her Daddy had. 

“I’ll never be able to ask him, ask Daddy,” Ashley croaked, “if he really meant that final message telling me to follow my dreams… or if he was just saying that so he could… so he could d- _ die _ … knowing I’d not doubt him again.” 

That… was horrible. 

That was so sad. 

And scary. 

“I’m horrible,” Ashley cried, squeezing so tight that all Riko could see, smell, and feel was the heaviness of bubblegum perfume. “I’m either right or I’m a terrible daughter, and I don’t know what to do about these feelings except  _ choke on them—! _ ” And Ashley did, and she coughed, then threw her face into Riko’s hair and cried. Her wails surged, everywhere inside and out, ringing deep in Riko’s little core. 

“And then I start thinking,” Ashley rambled, “I start thinking if this is all that I am, if this’s all I care about, cuz Daddy—h-he never understood but his last words were trying to, him trying to, and all I care about is the exact same thing, like I—like I don’t care so much that he’s gone but if he even loved me and that’s such a stupid,  _ shallow, SELFISH THING TO EVEN  _ **_THINK ABOUT!_ ** _ ”  _

Her scream rolled throughout Riko’s body, chilling and burning everything at once. 

Riko remembered one night, a time when she would’ve become a Witch instead of a Doppel, unable to ask her parents after another late night at the shop about how much they loved her. If she was an embarrassment. If she was a burden. 

And then if that was a stupid, shallow, selfish thing to even think about. 

“I hate myself!” Ashley echoed, dredging up an ugly feeling in Riko long-forgotten. “I hate that I’m like this and I hate that I wasted my wish instead of using it on Daddy! I hate my stupid obsessions! I hate how ugly my Doppel feels and—!” She was cut off by something the moment Riko’s knuckles buried themselves in something soft. 

Not even Riko knew what happened. 

But that softness slammed into her knuckles. And then a third time. 

Ashley tried to pull away. “R-Riko,” she snuffled. 

“Shut up!” Riko screamed into her ruddy face. “You shut up, Ashley! Shut up and stop acting like a baby!” Her arm was tired; it was firing into Ashley’s side again and again, unimpeded. Like Ashley didn’t care. Even though she was being a baby like Riko, she was crying like Riko, she doubted her Daddy’s love like Riko— _ “Shut! Up!”  _ her fist screamed. 

“Hey! Stop it!” Ashley grabbed her hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how violently Riko thrashed. “Riko!”    
  
“No!  _ You  _ shut up!” Riko was so stupid, then and now. How could she have not seen it sooner?  _ Known  _ any of this sooner, that she almost became a Witch because of it? “You’re being so stupid right now! And selfish! And you’re a baby,  _ you’re being a really big baby right now, Riko! _ ” 

Ashley pulled back, hand lacing with Riko’s. Everything but the waves froze, even the tears upon her cheeks. 

“What’s wrong with being selfish?!” Riko cried. “What’s wrong with not knowing how much your parents love you?! How come that’s  _ your  _ fault and not  _ theirs  _ for never tryna  _ talk  _ to you?!” 

“Riko—”

“And how come work’s all that matters to people, too?!” she asked Ashley, her parents, a deep-seated part of herself Riko hated, and the rest of the world. “How can you say you’re only your stupid Witch-Dop-whatever-the-heck when you’re also a great friend, a strong heart, a loving daughter and a shining person?!” 

And Ashley truly thought her father— _ her gosh-darned Daddy who told her to follow her “stupid” dreams— _ only saw Ashley’s Doppel. “And if you think for one second that your Daddy sees none of what I did, or that your obsessions weren’t worth encouraging, then…  _ then you can shut your hecking mouth!  _ ‘Cause at least your Daddy clearly cares about you!” 

Finally Ashley moved—her eyes shot open. “Riko!” she cried, shouldering her cheeks dry. “Your parents totally care about you! We’ve been over this, haven’t we?! They might be obsessed with work, but that doesn’t mean they care about it more than—!” She stiffened. 

Riko palmed her tears away, sniffling. And feeling stupid, so idiotic that she burned all over in a sweat. “I know,” she told Ashley’s lap. “But I’m selfish, too. So I didn’t realize that when I should’ve known it all along.” 

“And… just because I’m crazy about Japanese culture…” Ashley was searching the space between them. 

Riko managed a smile, despite wanting to bawl her heart out. “We’re all selfish, Ashley. So don’t go thinking you’re special in feeling like you are, cuz that’s how a little kid thinks.” 

Ashley swiftly met her eyes, so suddenly that it made Riko’s heart stop. It was like she was seeing a different person for the first time—the both of them. 

“Look at where I am, Riko.” A rueful smile was cast out to the sea. “How could I think I loved Japanese culture more than Daddy?” 

“‘Cause we’re all a little selfish. You and me, your Daddy and mine.” Riko looked to their interlocked hands, squeezed, and smiled when she felt Ashley reply. “You’re such a child, Ash,” she giggled. 

Her head was thrown back, laughter bursting forth. “Tell me about it! I’m sixteen and getting schooled by one!” Her wink told it was all in good fun. Not that Riko could deny the jab—she, truly, was no better. “I guess we never stop growing up, though. Neither of our Daddy’s are perfect, but they definitely love us perfectly.” 

Riko took in the smile still aimed for their home across the Pacific, and it hit her; it hit hard—that was the first she’d seen on Ashley’s face since her father passed away. 

“Do… you feel better?” she asked. 

“No.” Yet Ashley turned her smile on Riko. “But I at least know what I’m feeling now. And what to say to my mother. And… our friends back home,” she added dejectedly. “Riko?” 

“Hm?” She rose as her friend did, tall as ever and brushing the gravel and sand off her black skirt, reminding Riko to do the same. “What’s up, Ash?” And she looked up to find a rose-gemmed ring twinkling before her. 

Riko took Ashley’s hand, who asked, “You mind staying close, as close as you’ve been since we first bumped into each other?” 

Yeah.

Ashley was still a bit stupid and selfish, asking for such an obvious answer. 

**_End_ **


End file.
